I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a long time.
A loooooong time. Almost a year, in fact.
I wasn’t sure if it would be oversharing, but I feel that the message is an important one.
So many of you write to me with the same concern: I just don’t feel sexy anymore.
I completely see your point. Sexiness and hair loss don’t exactly go hand-in hand, right?
I used to feel the same way.
Don’t get me wrong, I felt 10x better after I started wearing hair, but there was still this little voice inside my head that told me that I couldn’t be sexy with fake hair.
I certainly couldn’t feel sexy as long as I occasionally had these thoughts, so I did something that was completely uncharacteristic.
Something that I wouldn’t have done even if I had the best bio hair in the world.
All to banish these stupid thoughts from my head.
In mid-2014, even with my post-baby body…
I BOOKED A BOUDOIR PHOTO SHOOT.
Hair (or lack thereof) and all.
That’s right, ladies. I decided to pay money to take off most of my clothes in order to surprise my husband with a photo book. My super-caring, super-understanding husband who puts up with me, hairloss and all.
He deserves it.
And I do, too.
Along with the boudoir session, I also booked a makeup session. Of course, I wanted to have a different look than my every day one, and I knew I’d need professional makeup.
This would be the first time, however, that someone would be up close and personal with my helper hair. And I knew I’d have to talk about it.
As the weeks ticked by, I got more and more nervous. I looked into all kinds of wigs as I wanted to go with a wavy hairstyle, but ended up striking out with everything I looked into.
In the end, I decided to keep my Milan (color: Marble Brown) as the star of the show and not worry about debuting any new hair.
Once the hair decision was out of the way, I selected a few outfits to wear (very classy, I promise!) and there was nothing else to do but wait.
I tried not to think about it too much, but I was much less concerned with how I would look half-naked, but more so with how my hair would photograph.
The morning of the shoot, though, I was oddly calm.
I had a few extra pounds of baby weight. A few less hairs on my head. What could I do about it?
(Ok, it’s not lost on me that I could’ve worked out a bit ahead of the session, but, eh…)
First up was the makeup chair. Let me just tell you, my makeup artist was AWESOME.
We talked a bit initially about the look I was going for, she took a look at my clothing to see what would match, and we got down to it.
She pinned my hair away from my face, and of course, the bobby pin had to accommodate the rim of my Milan so it “caught” a bit.
I explained to her that I wear helper hair and she was floored.
She told me that she does hair, too, and she never would’ve guessed that the hair clipped to my head wasn’t real.
She immediately started asking me 2,858,103 questions about where I got it, how much it was, etc., so that she could tell other ladies with thin hair (or those that wanted a different look) where they could purchase one.
She also told me that SO MANY ladies wear wigs for these photo shoots because their bio hair doesn’t behave when styled (maybe it doesn’t hold a curl, for instance), or they want a longer look or a different color.
Of course, I never even considered that it would be common for women to wear wigs for these types of pictures. But, it totally makes sense, right?
Once I was all dolled up, it was go-time.
I really surprised myself that I was completely at ease in front of the camera!
It helped that my photographer was great, of course. I did mention my hair briefly when she asked if she could put on the fan to give me that lovely “wind-blown” look (ha!).
I casually mentioned that I was wearing helper hair, and I didn’t want to spend our time together worrying about how my hair was being blown, so maybe it was a good idea to just skip that.
She said “ok”, and we moved on.
Done and done.
Here’s what I didn’t feel throughout the shoot: I didn’t feel exposed. I didn’t feel vulnerable. I didn’t feel awkward. I certainly didn’t feel ugly.
I DID feel bold. I felt in control. I felt a bit powerful. And I absolutely felt all kinds of sexy.
Helper hair and all.
Maybe I felt this way because I was doing something that is almost completely looks-related for the first time in my life…and this “something” occurred post-hair.
My proofs came back a week or two later, and I took my favorite pics and made them into a gorgeous book for my husband, which I presented to him on his birthday.
He was stunned.
He was eerily quiet while looking though the book. He didn’t make any comments, but there was a big smile on his face throughout the whole thing.
When he was done, he closed the book and just looked at me.
“You are beautiful”, he said.
And you know what?
I believed him.
I’ll leave you with one kind of awkward, oddly-cropped photo from my photo shoot (as much as I love you, I’m not showing you the full shot!), mainly so you can see how freakin’ fabulous my hair looked.
Yes, you are about to see the top of my knee in a fishnet stocking. Get over it, people.
I had other ones done in this beautiful, soft white lighting but I just can’t get them to look right since I have to crop them, so, that is the one and only you’re going to get. It’s a shame, too, because my hair looks amazing in those!
So the next time you’re wondering if it’s possible to feel/look/be sexy even though you have hair loss, let me tell you:
Damn right it’s possible.