Can You Feel Sexy With Hair Loss?

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I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a long time.

A loooooong time. Almost a year, in fact.

I wasn’t sure if it would be oversharing, but I feel that the message is an important one.

So many of you write to me with the same concern: I just don’t feel sexy anymore.

I completely see your point. Sexiness and hair loss don’t exactly go hand-in hand, right?

I used to feel the same way.

Don’t get me wrong, I felt 10x better after I started wearing hair, but there was still this little voice inside my head that told me that I couldn’t be sexy with fake hair.

I certainly couldn’t feel sexy as long as I occasionally had these thoughts, so I did something that was completely uncharacteristic.

Something that I wouldn’t have done even if I had the best bio hair in the world.

All to banish these stupid thoughts from my head.

sexy-with-hair-loss

In mid-2014, even with my post-baby body…

I BOOKED A BOUDOIR PHOTO SHOOT.

Eek.

Hair (or lack thereof) and all.

That’s right, ladies. I decided to pay money to take off most of my clothes in order to surprise my husband with a photo book. My super-caring, super-understanding husband who puts up with me, hairloss and all.

He deserves it.

And I do, too.

Along with the boudoir session, I also booked a makeup session. Of course, I wanted to have a different look than my every day one, and I knew I’d need professional makeup.

This would be the first time, however, that someone would be up close and personal with my helper hair. And I knew I’d have to talk about it.

As the weeks ticked by, I got more and more nervous. I looked into all kinds of wigs as I wanted to go with a wavy hairstyle, but ended up striking out with everything I looked into.

In the end, I decided to keep my Milan (color: Marble Brown) as the star of the show and not worry about debuting any new hair.

Once the hair decision was out of the way, I selected a few outfits to wear (very classy, I promise!) and there was nothing else to do but wait.

I tried not to think about it too much, but I was much less concerned with how I would look half-naked, but more so with how my hair would photograph.

Crazy, huh?

The morning of the shoot, though, I was oddly calm.

I had a few extra pounds of baby weight. A few less hairs on my head. What could I do about it?

(Ok, it’s not lost on me that I could’ve worked out a bit ahead of the session, but, eh…)

First up was the makeup chair. Let me just tell you, my makeup artist was AWESOME.

We talked a bit initially about the look I was going for, she took a look at my clothing to see what would match, and we got down to it.

She pinned my hair away from my face, and of course, the bobby pin had to accommodate the rim of my Milan so it “caught” a bit.

I explained to her that I wear helper hair and she was floored.

Absolutely floored.

She told me that she does hair, too, and she never would’ve guessed that the hair clipped to my head wasn’t real.

She immediately started asking me 2,858,103 questions about where I got it, how much it was, etc., so that she could tell other ladies with thin hair (or those that wanted a different look) where they could purchase one.

She also told me that SO MANY ladies wear wigs for these photo shoots because their bio hair doesn’t behave when styled (maybe it doesn’t hold a curl, for instance), or they want a longer look or a different color.

Of course, I never even considered that it would be common for women to wear wigs for these types of pictures. But, it totally makes sense, right?

Once I was all dolled up, it was go-time.

I really surprised myself that I was completely at ease in front of the camera!

Who knew?

It helped that my photographer was great, of course. I did mention my hair briefly when she asked if she could put on the fan to give me that lovely “wind-blown” look (ha!).

I casually mentioned that I was wearing helper hair, and I didn’t want to spend our time together worrying about how my hair was being blown, so maybe it was a good idea to just skip that.

She said “ok”, and we moved on.

Done and done.

Here’s what I didn’t feel throughout the shoot: I didn’t feel exposed. I didn’t feel vulnerable. I didn’t feel awkward. I certainly didn’t feel ugly.

I DID feel bold. I felt in control. I felt a bit powerful. And I absolutely felt all kinds of sexy.

Helper hair and all.

Maybe I felt this way because I was doing something that is almost completely looks-related for the first time in my life…and this “something” occurred post-hair.

My proofs came back a week or two later, and I took my favorite pics and made them into a gorgeous book for my husband, which I presented to him on his birthday.

He was stunned.

He was eerily quiet while looking though the book. He didn’t make any comments, but there was a big smile on his face throughout the whole thing.

When he was done, he closed the book and just looked at me.

“You are beautiful”, he said.

And you know what?

I believed him.

I’ll leave you with one kind of awkward, oddly-cropped photo from my photo shoot (as much as I love you, I’m not showing you the full shot!), mainly so you can see how freakin’ fabulous my hair looked.

Yes, you are about to see the top of my knee in a fishnet stocking. Get over it, people.

fake-hair-boudoir-photo

I had other ones done in this beautiful, soft white lighting but I just can’t get them to look right since I have to crop them, so, that is the one and only you’re going to get. It’s a shame, too, because my hair looks amazing in those!

So the next time you’re wondering if it’s possible to feel/look/be sexy even though you have hair loss, let me tell you:

Damn right it’s possible.

34 thoughts on “Can You Feel Sexy With Hair Loss?”

  1. Thanks so much for posting! Just happened to run across this as I hit the emotional melting point of dealing with my hair loss….like consider leaving my awesome supportive husband so that I don’t have to feel ashamed in front of him and hide myself from the world kinda meltdown….yeah I’m not proud, but its the truth. So for now I will take a deep breath and work on a fixer instead of becoming a hermit πŸ™‚ Thanks!!!

  2. Hi, I’m new to your site. I’ve been experiencing hair loss for quite a few years now. I’ve been using hair makeup and hair fibers to cover my balding areas and I’m so tired of the routine. I’ve just started searching for a hair topper and would like to know, can you go swimming with them on?

    • Many women will have a backup topper for activities like swimming/outdoor–that way if it gets a little raggedy you still have a nicer piece. I don’t have much experience with this, unfortunately (they do make wigs that can handle swimming), as I think to legitimately swim with a clip-in topper would be painful. You could wear a headband/bandana/something around your head to help secure the topper to your head so that the water is pushing on the clips, I think.

      I also think human hair would probably be better suiting for swimming. Just be sure to rinse thoroughly and condition a ton!

  3. You’re so damn sexy its ridiculous!!! What an inspiration you are to so many women. Thanks for sharing this story it touched my heart. You have a wonderful husband and he has a beautiful wife.

  4. Lauren, thank you for this site, and also for your personal emails to me when I was freaking out about hair loss and helper hair issues. I can tell from reading your blog that your husband is just smitten with you. Luckily for me, I’m pretty sure my husband feels the same way about me! πŸ™‚

    I tried my first hair topper earlier this year, and have not looked back since. In fact, the more I wear toppers, the more confident I feel– because I know that I can toss my hair on in less than 15 minutes, and it will look a million times more amazing than it ever did when I used to spend an hour and a half each day washing, blow drying, curling, pinning, coaxing, and touching up with hair makeup– my bio hair. The strange thing is, knowing what I know now, even if I didn’t have hair loss, I think I would still wear helper hair– if only just for the time I have saved each and everyday, and the mental energy I have conserved in knowing that my hair looks fine (and sometimes even great!).

    I think my new, quicker routine has made me even more sexy and beautiful to my husband, who used to always complain that I spent too much time getting ready and putting on makeup and doing my hair, when he wished I would just not care about my hair and not wear any makeup. Now I just have more time to live my life, and pay more attention to him, and he loves it!

    My point being, you encouraged me to try helper hair, and now I feel like a new person. I no longer freak out if my hair isn’t “just right” and strangely enough, I think this whole hair loss process has taught me something so valuable– that as long as I FEEL beautiful (which I do now with helper hair, even more so than before my hair loss), I am so much more present in the world– traveling, enjoying life, loving my husband, having deep conversations with friends, and just living in the moment. Before my hair loss, even though I had decent hair, I was never happy with how I looked, always worried about not being “perfect,” always finding something wrong with myself. Now that something is so wrong (in a sense), I feel this strange sense of freedom and happiness that I have never felt before– that I don’t have to be perfect anymore in my post-hair loss life. (Am I making any sense, or just rambling?). And I would’ve never gotten here without the helper hair. It has given me the time to process this issue (without being in the middle of going through it), allowed me to take a step back, and realize how much simpler and more beautiful life is without constantly worrying about something like hair (all the while having beautiful hair on the outside, of course). And my husband agrees. Many times I don’t wear my topper in the evenings, and he will just look at me and say, “you’re so beautiful.” (Ladies, this may have happened even while I had a patch of scalp showing). When he said that the first time, I realized, I don’t care what other people think (because the helper hair is there for those people, to fool them and not allow them to take notice that my hair isn’t real), but the love of my life and my soulmate loves the real me, with and without hair. And it makes me feel so sexy and strong, like I could take on anything!

    Sorry to digress, but all this just came to me after reading this entry and seeing your awesome boudoir photo! You go Lauren!!

  5. Lauren – you’re a hottie! And thank you for continually putting yourself out there. It’s extremely courageous and inspiring to those that read your blog.

  6. I think you read my mind, Lauren! I’ve been thinking about a boudoir shot myself to help myself feel sexy. Thanks for reinforcing the idea. πŸ˜‰

    BTW, you look absolutely amazing!! I wish the old stylist you mentioned in a previous post could see how awesome the stylist & photographer at your shoot were!

  7. You are so awesome lady!! U look stunning! When are you going to host a seminar or something (a ladies’ weekend in Vegas;)) so we can meet you? You give so many of us so much hope!! Thanks!!

  8. Beautiful ! Inspirational ! Brought me to tears.
    it feels like I will never get to the place of acceptance you’ve achieved.
    But watching you sure helps :))
    You’re the best Lauren. Thank you for all you do

  9. Awesome! You are stunning as well as inspirational. I am new to wearing helper hair, and after 25 years of watching my hair fall out, while slowly, it is consistently, I feel lovely and freed. Beating oneself up for not having hair (how insane is that) is no way to live. While I was making that decision to buy hair, your website was one of the places that I learned and became more comfortable. Xo Xo V

  10. Love that you posted this. But what about if you are NOT wearing helper hair. Do you think it’s possible to still feel sexy with hair loss if you don’t choose to wear helper hair? I know you’ve mentioned that you go sans hair at home at times – or do you feel in order to feel sexy helper hair must go on. Genuinely curious as this is a very personal/relevant issue for me.

    • That’s an issue close to my heart too, Loraine. But I think if you are loved by your partner, you can feel sexy without the hair too. I have massive hair loss but at the moment can (just) get away without a piece. That being said, my man adores and worships me and doesn’t care about the hair. It’s me as a whole he’s attracted to… and he kinda gets distracted by the boobs anyway – particularly when they’re in some pretty lingerie or a corset. πŸ˜‰ For a confidence thing, yeah, helper hair is the bomb but for sexy… I think that’s an attitude and a trust thing with your partner.

      Though I’d love to hear Lauren’s thoughts on the subject too. πŸ™‚

    • That’s an interesting question. I saw it yesterday but wanted to think about it for a bit.

      For me, when I was desperately trying to conceal my bio hair is when I felt the least sexy, mainly because I didn’t feel like myself. I know I wear helper hair now, but I felt like I was moreso putting on a show when I was trying to conceal. Sure, both methods put something on my head, but before, I was always trying to tamp down frustration, hurt, and probably even some shame. Now, I might wear hair but I don’t have those feelings as I’ve let them go. Wearing hair not only makes me look sexier, but it’s given me freedom and confidence that I haven’t experiences in years–and in doing so, I got my sexy back. πŸ™‚

      I don’t know if that makes sense, but everyone is different and it’s so hard to explain a feeling!

      It certainly does help that my husband thinks I’m the best thing ever, with or without hair. He doesn’t care about its state…he just wants to do normal “man things” with it, like run his fingers through it (hey, buddy, don’t we all?!). He truly, TRULY does not “see” my hair imperfections. I always ask him, “how can you not?” and he just gives me the cliched responses: “I see my wife. You’re beautiful with hair or without hair. Shave it off if you want, I don’t care. I want you, not your hair”, etc.

      That, of course, does nothing but help, too.

      • Thanks, that makes sense and I think it was really great to put this post out there. It’s great to read what other women think too. My husband is the same way – just sees me and loves me no matter what. Thank the stars for decent men!

  11. Wow!! You look beautiful! Thank you for all you do for this community of women who are experiencing hair loss too! It is so helpful. Rock it girl!!

  12. You look phenomenal! I love the lighter highlights that run through the marble brown. I don’t think I could carry off a color that light, but your hair is rocking in that pic and so are you!

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