Hair Loss, Helper Hair & Farting (Oh My)

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If you have young kids, or are planning to have children someday, the same thoughts may have crossed your mind:

What in the world will my kids think about my hair? What will I tell them?

I have two young boys. My eldest is six years old and entering first grade this year. My youngest is three (I started wearing hair immediately after his birth).

Both are into superheroes and riding bikes and getting dirty and boogers.

Typical boy stuff.

Both have also seen me with and without my hair.

They’ve seen me put it on.

They’ve seen me take it off.

They’ve seen my scalp. Both bare coming out of the shower, and covered in glue.

Surprisingly, it’s my three year old that is the most inquisitive. And by inquisitive, I mean I can only think of one question in recent memory about it.

I was finishing up getting ready one weekend morning, and he was in the bathroom with me.

He looked at my hair topper (which was in my hand) and asked, “is that your hair?”

“Yep,” I told him. “Where’s your hair?”

He pointed to his head.

That’s it. End of story.

For now, they don’t know anything differently.

I’m not sure they’ve made any connection that I have “other hair”, while Daddy and they don’t. It simply hasn’t crossed their minds.

To them, this is just something that their Mama does. Maybe they think all mothers wear hair. Maybe they think all mothers plop their hair on their little heads and take a pic.

My six year old:
child hair topper

His brother:
child in hair topper

They’re still young, so they haven’t had a ton of opportunity to interact with others kids in their homes yet. Meaning, they haven’t experienced other mothers.

But I don’t think they are thinking this way quite just yet – they aren’t at the point where they are comparing and questioning.

I’m sure the day will come.

In fact, I can imagine it likely happening when my parents are visiting. I’m sure my mother will yell from the bathroom one day, “I’ll be right out, I’m just finishing getting ready.”

And one of those dear boys will innocently ask if she has to put on her hair.

My mom will be super-confused, and I’ll need to figure out how I want to handle that. Quite honestly, I don’t care who knows, but so few people DO know that now it’s just kind of weird.

Does that make sense?

(New readers, one point of clarification: exactly two people know I wear hair. My husband and one good friend. Ok, well two people and all of you.)

As I imagine it right now—and this can always change—I’ll sit with the boys and tell them that some things we can talk about as a family in our home, but we don’t talk about it with other people.

They’ll look at me in understanding with solemn faces, until one of them (probably the impish little one) will start to giggle.

And they’ll look at each other.

And that little one will loudly say FART!”.

Because we have a whole list of topics we can talk about at home with our family, but not in front of other people. And at three years old, talking about farting is hilarious and if he has any opportunity to say it, he’ll take it. The hair conversation will give him the perfect opening.

But I’ll have to say, “Yes, talking about Mama’s hair is just like talking about farting”.”

That’s just how you level with a kiddo. Or maybe it’s just how I level with my kiddos.

That’s about as far as I’ve gotten in my thinking about this—that first conversation. I’m sure there will be more to come after that.

I’d love to hear how you plan to address this with your kids. What about with daughters? I’m all boy, so thinking about it as it relates to daughters is foreign to me, and maybe a different conversation.

Scroll down, chime in, and let me know! ???

67 thoughts on “Hair Loss, Helper Hair & Farting (Oh My)”

  1. Im afraid to stay with friends or relatives in their homes because I don’t want them to see me without my wig at bedtime or early morning. Any suggestions?

  2. I hope this isn’t too much repeat because I haven’t read all the other comments.
    I found you last night while finally accepting that, at 39, I may need to look into a topper soon. While I can hide my scalp, my hair is thin and sad on the top, frizzy and full on the bottom, making me look a bit like Danny Devito painted the top of his head brown. I have been losing my hair for awhile, but having two kids accelerated the loss very quickly. I had the postpartum shed twice, AND while I was pregnant, but never grew it back.
    Getting to the point, I have two girls. Between my genetics (my brother had a severely receding hairline at 17 and has been a cue ball since mid 20’s, my husband is going bald in his thirties) and their father’s, it is likely that one of them will have the same issue.
    I know it will devastate them. I know they will spend countless hours obsessing over new growth, researching thyroid conditions, and spend tons of money on vitamins that will turn their pee glorious shades of neon yellow but not do a dang thing for their hair growth (if I hear someone recommend another vitamin, I will punch them). I decided to pave the way in attitude and overall fabulousness.
    I have simply decided to act like it is no big deal. This is part of my routine. I will continue to use rogaine for as long as it works (not working so much right now) and concealers as much as I can, but I will never dwell on it or give any indication that it bothers me. But if they have this same issue , I will grieve with them and allow them some time to go through what it seems we all have to go through first. But then I will show them how to rock some fake hair and move on.
    Last thing in a super long post: one of my favorite movies to mindlessly watch is Practical Magic. I love their gorgeous witch hair. Then it occurred to me one day: Hey! Those witches are rocking wigs! Ain’t nobody’s hair that thick and lustrous! If they can do it, I’m sooooo going to do it. And try casting a few spells of my own.
    Thanks for your blog. The help and relief you give is too big to describe.

  3. I have a son and a daughter, 9 and 7… they both know I wear hair and they’ve both seen me with and without it on. They both have asked me why I wear extra hair and I’ve pointed out that mommy’s hair doesn’t grow very well and so I feel better when I wear my piece. we also had a discussion about privacy and that mommy is allowed to have this secret all to herself and they agreed and to my knowledge *knock on wood* they’ve never told anyone.
    to my kids there is nothing strange about me wearing hair, it doesn’t phase them in the least and although if I could I’d change my hair situation in a heartbeat, I like that when they’re older they wont even bat an eye at it when they come across someone wearing hair. My daughter and I still play makeover and she plays with my hair (bio and topper) and again she doesn’t bat an eye. I’d also like to point out to any moms with hair loss that have daughters, the fear you’ve passed this along to your daughter is always there, my mom and dad both have thick beautiful hair, so when I started losing mine they were at a loss for what to do… now, should my daughter lose her beautiful thick blond hair, I’ll know what to do, and it wont be foreign/scary to her 🙂

      • Looks like this is an older post but I wanted to share my experience so far. I have been wearing a topper for a little over a month and I have had a lot of trial and error. My husband and children (ages 25, 24, 12 and 10) know I wear hair. They have seen me comb it put it on and love to give their input. My new hair has changed my self image and I hope 1 day if my girls need to,wear one it won t be a big deal. Thank you Lauren for inspiring me!

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